Being a military spouse has meant wearing many hats, including mother and student while navigating a life filled with both challenges and achievements. At 22, I embarked on this journey with my husband and our nine-month-old daughter as he started his Army training. During this time, I worked at an early Head Start center, unaware of the challenges that awaited us in this new military life. Despite the uncertainties, I was determined to face the hurdles head-on.

I vividly remember handing in my two weeks’ notice and resigning from my job to move in with my husband. It took over six months before I could secure a new job at our next duty station. We faced numerous challenges—adapting to a new location, finding employment, and managing the emotional strain of separation. Amid these struggles, I chose to enroll in community college and attend weekend classes. The impact of unemployment on military spouses is profound, making it significantly more difficult for families to establish themselves and flourish, both in civilian and military life. I know it firsthand.

Impact of Spousal Unemployment

Spousal unemployment has its pros and cons. On the positive side, it allows military spouses to spend more time raising children and provides the flexibility to accompany their service member. However, the cons are deeply personal and often unspoken. Unemployed military spouses frequently grapple with a lost sense of mobility, identity, and life purpose. The emotional toll of long-term unemployment impacted my confidence, as I felt I wasn’t the “helpmate” my husband needed me to be to support our family and elevate our income. Feelings of inadequacy crept in, making me feel like I wasn’t contributing anything meaningful to our children’s and family’s future.

The thought of submitting my resume for various roles and returning to work crossed my mind numerous times. However, the harsh reality remained: working solely to cover the cost of childcare left me with nothing to contribute to other household expenses. It’s a challenge that resonates with many military families, as 7 in 10 military parents struggle to access affordable, quality childcare.

Being a stay-at-home mom and unemployed has caused financial strain in countless ways. Living on a single income has always worried my spouse and me, often leading to arguments and increased stress for both of us and our children. The lack of sufficient income limited our ability to invest in our children’s education fund for college, restricted our family time and leisure activities, and kept us constantly stressed about securing our future and achieving our individual and family goals.

How I Balance My Life as Military Spouse, Mom and Student

Married and living with my soldier, I usually wake up when my husband prepares for PT (physical training). In those early morning hours, I take time for my self-care routine. Next, I make breakfast and prepare lunch for my children. After dropping off my two oldest children at school, I care for my younger kids and then study until lunchtime when I feed them. Then, I prepare for dinner before picking up my children from school. When my oldest children are home, we do the household chores and study together before bedtime.

Balancing motherhood with my studies as a military spouse was extremely difficult for me. I relied heavily on my husband for everything because he was all I had at the time to support me throughout my journey. Deciding whether to cook a full-course African meal for dinner, which takes about 4-5 hours to thoroughly prepare, or to make something quick so I could get back to my studies was always a challenge. I had to sacrifice many sunny days spent outdoors with my children to complete my bachelor’s degree. There were also times I now regret; I’m not proud to admit how often I had to disappoint my children by telling them “no,” “not tonight,” or “tomorrow, I will read you a bedtime story.” Pressed by deadlines to complete exams, PowerPoint presentations, and assignments by 11:59 p.m., I made many sacrifices to finish my bachelor’s program.

It’s a bittersweet feeling because I won’t get those precious moments back, but as I reflect, I’m glad to have been able to finish what I started a long time ago.

Broader Challenges for Military Spouses

Research shows that 32% of military spouses have had to leave their jobs at least three times¹ due to their service member’s relocations, and they face a 26% wage gap compared to their civilian counterparts². Over the past decade, we have seen job displacements and business cost-cutting measures leading to layoffs, with rapid technological advancements reducing job opportunities further. While we may hope these societal and systemic issues don’t affect us, they unfortunately still exist and can impact anyone unknowingly. Discrimination can occur due to military family status, gender, sexual orientation, age, religious beliefs, pregnancy, disability, and ethnic preferences. These issues are very real.

As a military spouse, student, and mother of five, I’ve faced these challenges firsthand. I’m relieved to have finally graduated with my bachelor’s degree this year, achieving one of my long-term goals. However, now I’m seeking a new career, and the challenge is finding the right role and a company that accommodates my unique lifestyle. Balancing my responsibilities as a military spouse and a mother while trying to secure employment is an ongoing battle, but I remain hopeful and determined to find a position that fits my needs and aspirations.

How ASYMCA Supports Families Like Mine

Did you know that the Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA) is dedicated to supporting military families like ours? ASYMCA provides invaluable services, including no-cost fitness facility memberships and respite child care services for eligible active-duty military and their families nationwide. Since 2008, they’ve partnered with the DOD Military Outreach Initiative to expand their reach. ASYMCA also ensures affordable educational programs, including preschool services, afterschool programs, and summer camps to support military children and their families. ASYMCA has been a lifeline for my family, providing essential support to enhance our well-being and helping us navigate the unique challenges of military life.

Learn More

Sources

¹ 9 Great Companies with Remote Jobs for Military Spouses – https://boldly.com/blog/9-great-companies-with-remote-jobs-for-military-spouses/

² DOD to Induct New Partners into Military Spouse Employment Partnership – https://www.defense.gov/News/Releases/Release/Article/2438540/dod-to-induct-new-partners-into-military-spouse-employment-partnership/